Yet again, I disappoint myself. Being unprepared and lack of confidence.
Public speaking, or maybe being the centre of attraction hasn’t always my kinda thing. I would be more comfortable in my tiny little corner. In poly days, we had to give presentation for the first time. It turned out as my worst nightmare. Being happy-go-lucky during my younger days, I was not well prepared at all and I have no idea what I was doing. It’s like being drunk and waking up, not knowing what is going on (although I didnt experience that before). It was a messy. My voice shivers, my brain was empty, I didnt know how to form a sentence, caught in my own thoughts and had the longest 3 seconds of silence ever.
Yet again, due to super last minute of my group, we prepared last than one week, where other groups had started preparing long ago. We didnt had enough group members because we didnt told the lecturer and everyone formed their own teams already. And nobody was a leader in our group. So we were caught up by procrastination till the last minute. My ideas got all shot down by a particular group member who didnt contribute any ideas. End up doing a topic where most of us are not passionate and doesnt have any clue about. We didnt practice at all and I had only thought of what I wanna say in my mind. And ta-da. besides not meeting the requirement of the objective of the presentation, I stumbled, my voice shivered, mind went blank. All the points I wanna say I didnt.
Well, expected isnt it? From the first word I typed into the presentation slides I knew this wasnt what I wanna do. But I still went ahead with it. Always trying to be a team player and not stepping up as a leader. So what if my groupmate hates me for being hard on them? I should fight for the right for a good grade for myself. What was holding me back then? It is always fear. Fear of losing a friend, fear of being disliked. Fear of showing my true self. Fear of too many things that I’ve got distracted from going for what is right for me.
Sigh. But ohwell. What done cannot be undone. So I am going to set a new goal for myself. To overcome the fear, improve on my skills and dont afraid of being who I am.
(Oh wow, can I submit this as part of my reflection journal that I need to submit in a week’s time? Hahahaha. )
Eunicewuu on the go